Networking, meeting new people, confidence way out of my comfort zone. I just realised people say you should fake it until you make it real. Picturing a whole room of people just faking their confidence and thinking they're important just sickens me, if you are fake until you make it real...to me that just makes this whole room of people being insincere, uncaring and ingenuine .... and if this is what it means to be confidence so be it I never want to be confident then if it means I have to become some fake, insincere robot.

I had a friend look through my answers for applying on exchange and after their two cents worth they asked me "Are you happy with your answers?" I said I was but in my heart there was a BUT. I felt that I had answered the questions to the best of my ability but somehow felt they weren't good enough.

Where do you place your self worth?

many people say running at night is so dangerous but i feel so safe and free. Ok I'm sorry if this blog is boring but i just want to voice my thoughts so feel free to leave here.

It can't just be running during the day, because at night your senses are heightened and everything fades into insignificance due to the peaceful silence and endless night sky. It doesn't matter if you look retarded because it is dark (if a tree falls in a forest and nobody notices did it really fall?) and that is where the joy from running at night comes from - things don't matter.

The task is so uncomplicated and untangled. There is no need to question "Am I doing this right?", "Should I run faster?", "Would (insert name/object) approve?" You can run at your own pace and the simple goal is just that...to run. There are no emotions or other people involved either, just you and the road and even within myself I feel no conflicting emotions/overly emotional or any tendency to need to analyse emotions (shall i say emotional again for emphasis? :P). It also gives me a sense of purpose and that I'm actually going somewhere as I'm in action, not just sitting around waiting feeling useless. Pain is surely less than that of everyday life (unless you're REALLY unfit :P) And at least then the source of pain is easily found and ceased, just stop running and walk for a while.  

With this sense of peace and contentment I finally finish my run and return home. But as I return home the overanalysing comes back and I question - why does this feeling of running at night not continue into the day? And what am I running from?